


The Night We Met

by jostens_pitch



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz Needs A Hug, Bittersweet Ending, Book 2: Wayward Son, Heavy Angst, Lack of Communication, M/M, No Resolution, Songfic, Spoilers for Book 2: Wayward Son, The Night We Met, i wrote this while really sad so if this is heavy, its all sad, the night we met by Lord huron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21578335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jostens_pitch/pseuds/jostens_pitch
Summary: Simon Snow, don’t you have any idea how painful it is to become unloved by you?After this is over, I know that I will never regret loving and being loved by Simon.I would say yes to him in every universe, every galaxy, every lifetime we’re in together.A look into chapter 41 of Wayward Son and painfully ironic song choices.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Kudos: 37





	The Night We Met

**Author's Note:**

> Before I introduce this story I just want to say that if you have not read Wayward Son yet then this story might not be for you. While there's no explicit spoilers in this, there's some things mentioned that are spoilery!  
> Anyways, this piece was inspired by the beautiful song [The Night We Met](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGF7PswOENQ) by Lord Huron. When I first heard this song I instantly thought of Simon and Baz.

**BAZ**

I don’t let myself think about the last time Simon has held me like this. 

Part of me thinks it’s because the thought isn’t necessary when Simon being near me is all that matters. 

The other part is terrified that I don’t _remember_ the last time Simon’s held me. 

Thinking is something that I should not be doing (I'm becoming more like Simon). Instead I focus on how sweet Simon’s warmth feels mixed with the cool desert night air. 

The back of Shepard’s truck isn’t the comfiest of places I’ve ever laid in, but being in Simon’s arms makes up for it. We could be lying on top of molten rocks and I’d still be content. 

As the gravel dirt road jolts Simon and I to its will, I can feel Simon’s strong and steady breaths against my side. It reminds me of how, after everything, Simon Snow is still alive. 

  
**SIMON**

Are you really alive if you can’t feel anything? 

I know that’s a morbid question which has no real answer, but I can’t help wondering. 

The whole point of living is being able to feel the emotions that humans crave; passion, fury, betrayal, lust, joy, and so much more. 

I remember my therapist telling me that it’s in our human nature to long for the connections emotions give us. In that same session, she told me that my disconnection was a consequence of what I had been through. I was told that eventually I’d start feeling like myself again (well… as much of myself as possible given as I now have dragon wings and a tail). She brought up possibly digging into the few emotions I had felt on a daily basis and how I could access them sooner. 

“Your life can only start again if you allow it to, Simon.” My therapist said before I left our session. 

I stopped seeing my therapist after that session. It’s been a few months and I still don’t know why I stopped going to therapy. 

The idea of dissecting what little I managed to feel made me so uncomfortable in a way I could never explain. 

I was laying underneath the stars with Baz with the wind kissing my hair and my wings wrapped securely around the boy I love. I couldn't help but think about what being alive really meant. 

  
**BAZ**

I know Simon’s deep in thought by the way he’s staring at the stars. Not for the first time nor the last, I wished that I knew what was going through his pretty head. 

It’s when I’m focused on Simon’s concentration that I hear the song Shepard has playing in his truck. 

_I am not the only traveler who has not repaid his debt._

_I’ve been searching for a trail to follow again. Take me back to the night we met._

For a moment I think only I can hear the melancholy song floating around us (vampire hearing). But then Simon’s wings twitch. They gain a mind of their own when Simon’s uncomfortable. 

I know we’ve both have never heard this song before. Yet, it feels as if we know instinctively that this song will hurt us more than we’ve hurt each other. 

_And then I can tell myself what the hell I'm supposed to do._

_And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you_

I can’t help but think back to the night Simon Snow asked to be my terrible boyfriend. It’s the night we met for the first time. The night we had finally come together. Our souls intertwined so intricately that we couldn’t tell the difference between us. 

A question dances in my head that I’m ashamed to have. If I had known a year ago that Simon and I would become whatever we are now, would I have still said yes to him? 

Simon’s wings are now fully twitching against me as he struggles to control whatever he’s feeling right now. Even if we’re falling apart at the seams, I still know what he’s thinking and I’m positive he knows what I’m thinking. 

The song continues to wail its despair. I can feel everything left unsaid between Simon and I begin to swallow us whole. I know I should pound my fist against Shepard’s back window and demand that he changes the song; but I don’t. 

_I had all and then most of you. Some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met._

_I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. Take me back to the night we met._

I close my eyes and tell myself that I was lucky to have had Simon for as long as I did. It was obvious from the start that I wasn’t the happily ever after to his fairy tale. It was foolish of me to allow myself to believe that somehow I was. 

Simon and I will end in flames. I’ve known this since the moment I fell in love with Simon Snow. Our first kiss was in a forest as fire that was so hot surrounded us that I found welts on my skin afterwards. We're destined to end the way that we started. Impassioned with fire and heat and bitterness and defeat and desperateness. 

Maybe there was a time where I had Simon Snow, but I’d be an idiot if I said that I had him now. I can feel him pulling away as the song goes on. He shifts away from me and refuses to look me in the eye. The cold sting of the night air hurts less than the way my heart aches. 

  
**SIMON**

I’d give Baz all that I am, though I’m fucking terrified it wouldn’t be enough. 

I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber. 

I’d tell him that I love him so much that looking at him is like looking at the sun. 

I’d voice my thoughts if I were brave like I used to be. Instead I unwrap myself from Baz and pretend this song isn’t making me wish I could fly away for good. 

  
**BAZ**

The moment Simon kissed me in that forest, I knew nothing would hurt more than losing him; and I was right. It hurts me so badly to see him pull away from me and lose interest in what little I can give him. 

Again I wonder if I would’ve accepted Simon’s offer.

  
**SIMON**

_When the night was full of terrors and your eyes were filled with tears._

_When you had not touched me yet. Oh, take me back to the night we met._

The night the Mage died and all that I knew was stolen from me, Penny told me how Baz had been there to help. 

She told me it was the moment that she knew that what Baz and I had was something more powerful than magic. Penny told me that she saw decades worth of love stories embodied in us. 

It’s another thing I’ve been avoiding thinking about. My list of Things Not To Think About keeps getting more complicated. 

_I had all and then most of you. Some and now none of you._

_Take me back to the night we met. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you._

The song is nearing its end and I’m painfully aware of how intently Baz is listening to it. I'm aware how much space I had created between us. 

_Take me back to the night we met_

As the notes draw to a close my body gives in to the temptation of looking at Baz and I find that he’s already looking at me. 

  
**BAZ**

Simon Snow, don’t you have any idea how painful it is to become unloved by you? 

After this is over, I know that I will never regret loving and being loved by Simon. 

I would say yes to him in every universe, every galaxy, every lifetime we’re in together. 

_Yes. Yes. Yes. Anything for you, love._

  
**SIMON**

Baz is looking at me but he’s not looking _at_ me. I know he still can only see me as the Chosen One. 

I can’t help but wonder if the song we heard has made Baz feel the need to pity me for a little while longer to stay with me. If I had more dignity I’d be furious. Instead, being the coward that I am, I’m relieved he will be mine for a little longer. 

It’s a funny thing to know when your time with someone is nearing its end. 

  
**BAZ**

Simon and I are still staring at each other and I’ll be damned if I break eye contact first. I refuse to let him slip away after shutting me out for so long. 

I know I should say something to Simon. I know I should tell him I love him and that I just want us to work out. I know I should grab his shoulders and shake him senseless until he finally speaks to me. 

But I don’t do anything. I’m terrified of accidentally pushing Simon too much and sending him into a spiral. I’d never forgive myself if I was the reason for his heartache. 

My time with Simon is coming to an end though, I can feel it. So, I continue to stare at Simon Snow and soak up all that I can because soon I know I won’t be able to. 

  
**SIMON**

I love him. 

  
**BAZ**

I may not be the Chosen One’s destiny, but he was mine. I was lucky to have had him at all. 

“Baz-” 

Simon's interrupted by Shepard’s awful job of stopping his vehicle. 

I give in and look away from Simon and sit up. My body seems to have realized that it’s been in the cold night for well over an hour now and I can feel myself shaking. 

From the corner of my eye I can see Simon sit up and shift towards me as if he is about to warm me with his heat, but he doesn’t. I turn away from him to hide the hurt. 

  
**SIMON**

I’m a coward. 

  
**BAZ**

I know I’ll always love Simon. 

“Shepard doesn’t want to drive us into Vegas at night, so I decided we should stay in a hotel-” Penny looks at the both of us. “Hey, are you two all right?” 

“Yes, Penny.” I respond, though I’m looking at Simon. “It’s all right. _We’re_ all right.” 

  
**SIMON**

_It’s all right, love._

Those were the words Baz whispered to me the night the Mage died. Baz was wrong then, though he couldn’t have known any better. No one could’ve. No one knows what to do with an atomic weapon that is too broken to fix. 

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2am and I can't feel my eyes so forgive me for any mistakes xx


End file.
